THE DITTIE PAGE

BARACK OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > The bible warns us of Barack Obama.
> > The Bible warns us of Barack Obama.
> > Body: The Bible has warned us that 'A man will come from the East that
> > will be charismatic in nature and have proposed solutions for all our
> > problems and his rhetoric will attract many supporters!'
> >
> > When will our pathetic Nation quit turning their back on God and
> > understand that this man is 'A Muslim'....First, Last and
>   always....and we are AT WAR with the Muslim Nation, whether our
> bleeding-heart,
>   secular, Liberal friends believe it or not. This man fits every description
>   from the Bible of the 'Anti-Christ'!
> >
> > I'm just glad to know that there are others that are frightened by
>   this man!
> >
> >
> > Who is Barack Obama?
> >
> > Very interesting and something that should be considered in your
> > choice.
> >
> > If you do not ever forward anything else, please forward this to all
> > your contacts...this is very scary to think of what lies ahead of us
>   here in our own United States...better heed this and pray about it and
> > share it.
> >
> > snopes.com ..' confirms this is factual. Check for yourself.
> >
> > Who is Barack Obama?
> >
> > Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born
>   in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from
> > Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white ATHEIST from Wichita ,
> > Kansas.
> >
> > Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii.
> >
> > When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father
>   returned to Kenya. His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from
> > Indonesia.
> >
> > When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia. Obama
> > attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta. He also spent two years in a
> > Catholic school.
> >
> > Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is
> > quick to point out that, 'He was once a Muslim, but that he also
> > attended Catholic school.'
> >
> > Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that that
> > he is not a radical.
> >
> > Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this
> > influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned
>   to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence
> > over his son's education.
> >
> > Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham,
> > introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school
>   in Jakarta.
> >
> > Wahabism is the RADICAL teaching that is followed by the Muslim
> > terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world. Since
>   it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major public
>   office in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama has joined the United
>   Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim background. ALSO, keep
> > in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy
> > Bible, but instead the Koran.
> >
> > Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegiance nor will
> > he show any reverence for our flag. While others place their hands
>   over their hearts, Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches. Do you
> > want someone like this as your PRESIDENT?
> >
> > Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential
> > candidacy.
> >
> > The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside
> > out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the
> > President of the United States, one of their own!
> >
> > Please forward to everyone you know. Would you want this man leading
> > our country?...... NOT ME!

WHERE TO BUY YOUR USA-GAS
WHERE TO BUY YOUR USA-GAS, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW. READ ON--
Gas rationing in the 80's worked even though we grumbled about it.
It might even be good for us!
The Saudis are boycotting American goods.
We should return the favor.
An interesting thought is to boycott their GAS.
Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia Just buy from gas companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis.
Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family, and my friends.
I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle Eastern oil.
These companies import Middle Eastern oil:
Shell.......................... 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco....144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil..............130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway..117,740,000 barrels
Amoco.........................62,231,000 barrels
Citgo Gas comes from South America, from a Dictator who hates Americans.
Do the math at $30/barrel, these imports amount to over $18 BILLION! (Oil is now $110 a barrel)
Here are some large companies that
DO NOT import Middle Eastern oil:
Sunoco................ 0 barrels
Conoco................ 0 barrels
Sinclair................ 0 barrels
BP/Phillips.......... 0 barrels
Hess.................... 0 barrels
ARC0................... 0 barrels

All of this information is available from the Department of Energy
and each is required to state where they get their oil and how much
they are importing.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers. It's really simple to do.

Now, don't wimp out at this point.... keep reading and I'll
explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!
I'm sending this note to about thirty people.
If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and
those 300 send it to a t least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) .. and
so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people,
we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers !!!!!!!
If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten
friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!
If it goes one level further, you guessed it ..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!
Again, all you have to do is send this to
10 people. How long would all that take?
If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next eight days!

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?

His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sa t stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
If you liked this story, pass it on. If not, you took off your blindfold before dawn...

Something to think about!!!!!

WHAT COSTS MORE PER YEAR THAN THE IRAQ WAR?

This is from an accurate source...something worthy for
our concern.

Illegal Aliens Cause Massive Cuts For US Seniors

I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over
and over again until they are read so many times that
the reader gets sick of reading them. I have included
the URL's for verification of the following facts:

1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to
illegal aliens each year. http://tinyurl.com/zob77

2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food
assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free
school lunches for illegal aliens.
http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid
for illegal aliens.
http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and
secondary school education for children here illegally
and they cannot speak a word of English!
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.0.html

5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education
for the American-born children of illegal aliens,
known as anchor babies.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate
illegal aliens.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are
illegal aliens.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal
aliens for Welfare and Social Services by the American
taxpayers.
http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html

9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American
wages are cause by he illegal aliens.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a
crime rate that's two-and-a-half times that of white
non-illegal aliens. In particular, their children, are
going to make a huge additional crime problem in the
US.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html

11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION
illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border also,
as many as 19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist
Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth,
heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S from the
Southern border. Homeland Security Report.
http://tinyurl.com/t9sht

12. The National Policy Institute, 'estimated that the
total cost of mass deortatin would be between $206 and
$230 billion or an average cost of between $41 and $46
billion annually over a five year period.'
http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf

13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in
remittances back to their countries of origin.
http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm

14. 'The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One
Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In
The United States'. http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml

Total cost is a whooping... $338.3 BILLION A YEAR!!!

If this doesn't bother you, then just delete this
message, but on the other hand, if it does raise the
hair on the back of your neck, then forward it.

Snopes is provided for doubters:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/immigration/bankofa
merica.asp

Social Security Change For 2008

The United States Senate voted to extend Social
Security Benefits to Illegal Aliens beginning in 2008.
The following are the senators who voted to give
illegal aliens Social Security benefits. They are
grouped by home state. If a state is not listed, there
was no voting representative.

Alaska : Stevens (R)

Arizona : McCain (R)

Arkansas : Lincoln (D) Pryor (D)

California : Boxer (D) Feinstein (D)

Colorado : Salazar (D)

Connecticut : Dodd (D) Lieberman (D)

Delaware : Biden (D) Carper (D)

Florida : Martinez (R)

Hawaii : Akaka (D) Inouye (D)

Illinois : Durbin (D) Obama (D)

Indiana : Bayh (D) Lugar (R)

Iowa : Harkin (D)

Kansas : Brownback (R)

Louisiana : Landrieu (D)

Maryland : Mikulski (D) Sarbanes (D)

Massachusetts : Kennedy (D) Kerry (D)

Montana : Baucus (D)

Nebraska : Hagel (R)

Nevada : Reid (D)

New Jersey : Lautenberg (D) Menendez (D)

New Mexico : Bingaman (D)

New York : Clinton (D) Schumer (D)

North Dakota : Dorgan (D)

Ohio : DeWine (R) Voinovich(R)

Oregon : Wyden (D)

Pennsylvania : Specter (R)

Rhode Island : Chafee (R) Reed (D)

South Carolina : Graham (R)

South Dakota : Johnson (D)

Vermont : Jeffords (I) Leahy (D)

Washington : Cantwell (D) Murray (D)

West Virginia : Rockefeller (D), by Not Voting

Wisconsin : Feingold (D) Kohl (D)

SEND THIS TO ALL YOU KNOW. THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF
THE UNITED STATES NEEDS TO KNOW THIS INFORMATION,
UNLESS THEY DON'T MIND SHARING THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY
WITH FOREIGN WORKERS who didn't pay in a dime.

LET US SHOW OUR LEADERS IN WASHINGTON 'PEOPLE POWER'
AND THE POWER OF THE INTERNET. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF
YOU ARE REPUBLICAN, DEMOCRAT OR INDEPENDENT! KEEP IT
GOING!!!!

After having dug to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York
>> scientists
>> found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the
>> conclusion
>> that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years
>> ago.
>>
>> Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed,
>> California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after,
>> headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists have
>> found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have conclud ed that their
>> ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a
>> hundred
>> years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
>>
>> One week later, "The Munising News," a local newspaper in northern
>> Michigan reported the following:
>>
>> "After digging as deep as 30 yards in corn fields near Trenary, Ole
>> Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely
>> nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Yoopers had
>> already gone wireless."

I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in buying
groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my husband of 57 years was
still too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet memories.

He often came with me and almost every time he'd pretend to go off and look
for something special. I knew what he was up to. I'd always spot him walking
down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his hands.

He knew I loved yellow roses. With a heart filled with grief, I only wanted
to buy my few items and leave, but even grocery shopping was different since
he had passed on.

Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had for two.

Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered
how he had loved his steak.

Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim and lovely in a soft
green pantsuit. I watched as she picked up a large package of T-bones,
dropped them in her basket.. Hesitated, and then put them back. She turned
to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks.

She saw me watching her and she smiled. 'My husband loves T-bones, but
honestly, at these prices, I don't know.'

I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue eyes.

'My husband passed away eight days ago,' I told her. Glancing at the package
in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice. 'Buy him the
steaks. And cherish every moment you have together.'

She shook her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she placed the
package in her basket and wheeled away.

I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to the dairy
products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I should buy. A
Quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream. If nothing else, I
could always fix myself an ice cream cone.

I placed the ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle toward the
front. I saw first the green suit, then recognized the pretty lady coming
towards me. In her arms she carried a package. On her face was the brightest
smile! I had ever seen. I would swear a soft halo encircled her blonde hair
as she kept walking toward me, her eyes holding mine.

As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting in my eyes.
'These are for you,' she said and placed three beautiful long stemmed yellow
roses in my arms. 'When you go through the line, they will know these are
Paid for.' She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, then smiled
again. I wanted to tell her what she'd done, what the roses meant, but still
unable to speak, I watched as she walked away as tears clouded my vision.

I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue wrapping
and found it almost unreal. How did she know? Suddenly the answer seemed so
clear. I wasn't alone.

Oh, you haven't forgotten me, have you? I whispered, with tears in my eyes.
He was still with me, and she was his angel.

Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are.
(Please read all of this, it is really nice)

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings. Thank you,
Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light aslong as
possible. Thank you, Lord , that I can see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I
have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast
is burned, tempers are short, and my children are so loud.

Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the picture in magazines
and the menu is at times unbalanced.

Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank you, Lord, for
the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my
circumstances were not so modest.

Thank you, Lord, for life.

Pass this on to the friends you know. It might help a bit to make this
world a better place to live, right? A friend is someone we turn to when our
spirits need a lift. A friend is someone to treasure.

For friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our lives with
Beauty, Joy and Grace and makes the world we live in a better and happier
place.

YOU ARE MY FRIEND!

God bless you and yours.

Now send this to every friend you have and have a wonderful day!

Interesting Interview

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old
lady because she had just gotten married -- for the
fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life,
about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80,
and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a
little about her first three husbands and what they
did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to
reflect on all those years. After a short time, a
smile came to her face and she answered proudly,
explaining that she'd first married a banker when she
was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when
in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and
now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and
asked why she had married four men with such diverse
careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the
money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four
to go

Senior Driver

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day, because I had just come from a thrilling choir practice followed by a powerful prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and

put it on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus; because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the nice man behind started honking like crazy, and he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for the Lord Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these

loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there , because I heard him yelling something about a

sunny beach.I saw another man waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was an Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing; why even he was enjoying this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So I waved to all my sisters and brothers, smiled at them all, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again, and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window, and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED INA SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM. A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND." THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!! When you stop laughing, send this to those who will appreciate it.

You may have seen this before ..... but it's worth
seeing again

Letter from one "Angry Woman"
I don't know who wrote it but they should have signed
it. Some powerful words. This woman should run for
president.

Written by a housewife from New Jersey and sounds like
it! This is one ticked off lady.

"Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it
or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it
to our shores on September 11, 2001?

Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans,
not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan
, across the Potomac from our nation's capitol and in
a field in Pennsylvania ?

Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die
a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or
didn't they?

And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was
"desecrated" when an overworked American soldier
kicked it or got it wet?..Well, I don't. I don't care
at all.

I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself
in and repents for incinerating all those innocent
people on 9/11.

I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the
Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the
mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia .

I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are
sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg
screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.

I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in
Iraq come out and fight like men instead of
disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.

I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow
themselves up in search of nirvana care about the
innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.

I'll care when the American media stops pretending
that their First Amendment liberties are somehow
derived from international law instead of the United
States Constitution's Bill of Rights.

In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave
marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain
information, know this: I don't care.

When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi
prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to
a college-hazing incident, rest assured: I don't care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head
when he is told not to move because he might be
booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don't
care.

When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran
and a prayer mat, and fed "special" food that is paid
for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy
book is being "mishandled," you can absolutely believe
in your heart of hearts: I don't care.

And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's
spelled "Koran" and other times "Quran." Well, Jimmy
Crack Corn and-you guessed it-I don't care !!

If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all
your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the
people responsible for this ridiculous behavior!

If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete
button. Should you choose the latter, then please
don't complain when more atrocities committed by
radical Muslims happen here in our great Country! And
may I add:

"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines
don't have that problem" -- Ronald Reagan

I have another quote that I would like to add
AND......I hope you forward all this.

"If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God,
then we will be a nation gone under." Also by.. Ronald
Reagan

One last thought for the day:

In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the
Anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should
remember England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words
during a recent interview. When asked by one of his
Parliament members why he believes so much in America
, he said: "A simple way to take measure of a country
is to look at how many want in.. And how many want
out."

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for
you:
1. Jesus Christ
2. The American G. I.

One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO PASS THIS ON,AS MANY SEEM TO FORGET
BOTH OF THEM. AMEN!

THE WISDOM OF LIFE

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

3. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

4. No one is listening until you fart.

5. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

8. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was worth it.

10. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.

11. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

12. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.

13. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

14. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night .

> well understood what to do when confronted with a
> difficult, singular, non-trained for situation~IMPROVISE!!
>
> The following is apparently a true story.... told
> from the point of view of a young Marine.
>
> *******************************
>
> I had a date the other night at my place. On the
> phone the day before, the girl asked me to 'Cook her
> something she's never had before' for dinner. After
> many minutes of scratching my head over what to
> make, I finally settled on something she has
> DEFINITELY never eaten.
>
> I got out my trusty case of MRE's. Meal,
> Ready-to-Eat. Field rations that when eaten in their
> entirety contain 3000+ calories. Here's what I made:
>
>
> I took three of the Ham Slices out of their
> plastic packets, took out three of the Pork Chops,
> three packets of Chicken-a-la- King, and eight
> packets of dehydrated butter noodles and some
> dehydrated/rehydrated rice. I cooked the Ham Slices
> and Pork Chops in one pan, sautéed in shaved garlic
> and olive oil.
>
> In another pot, I blended the Chicken a-la-king,
> noodles, and rice together to make a sort of mush
> that looked suspiciously like succotash. I added
> some spices, and blended everything together in a
> glass pan that I then cooked in the oven for about
> 35 minutes at 450 degrees.
>
> When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham
> slices, pork chops, and a bed of yellow ****. I
> covered the tops of the meat in the MRE cheese
> (kinda like Velveeta) and added some green sprinkly
> things from one of my spice cans (hey, if it's got
> green sprinkly things on it, it looks fancy right?)
>
> For dessert, I took four Pound Cakes, mashed 'em
> up, added five packets of cocoa powder, powdered
> coffee cream, and some water. I heated it up and
> stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky
> gelatinous organism, and I sprinkled powdered sugar
> on top of it. Voila - Ranger Pudding.
>
> For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle
> of Military Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type
> of liquor named 'Military Special' - it sells for
> $4.35 per fifth at the Class Six) and mixed in four
> packets of 'Electrolytes - 1 each - Cherry flavored'
> (I swear, the packet says that). It looked like an
> eerie kool-aid with sparkles in it (that was the
> electrolytes I guess... could've been leftover sand
> from Iraq).
>
> I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in
> the middle, and set the table with my best set of
> Ralph Lauren Academy-series China (that shit is
> EXPENSIVE... my set of 8 place settings cost me over
> $600 on sale at the Lejeune PX ), and put the
> alcoholic drink in a crystal wine decanter.
>
> She came over, and I had some appetizers already
> made, of MRE spaghetti-with- meatballs, set in small
> cups. She saw the dinner, sa w the food, and said
> 'This looks INCREDIBLE!!!'
>
> We dug in, and she was loving the food. Throughout
> the meal, she kept asking me how long it took me to
> make it, and kept remarking that I obviously knew a
> thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kind of
> balked at the makeshift 'wine' I had set out, but
> after she tried it I guess she liked it because she
> drank four glasses during dinner.
>
> At the end of the main course, when I served the
> dessert, she squealed with delight at the 'Chocolate
> mousse' I had made. Huh? Chocolate what?
>
> Okay... yeah... its Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS
> to make... yup.
>
> Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused
> herself to use my rest room. While she was in there,
> I heard her say softly to herself 'uh oh' and a
> resounding but petite fart punctuated her utterance
> of dismay.
>
> Let the games begin.
>
> She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air
> Freshener, 1 each, Orange scent. Yup. The military
> even makes smell-good) and returned to the couch,
> this time with an obvious pained look.
>
> After 10 more minutes she excused herself again,
> and retreated to the bathroom for the second time, I
> could hear her say 'What the hell is WRONG with me?'
> as she again send flatulent shockwaves into the
> porcelain bowl. This time, they sounded kinda wet,
> and I heard the toilet paper roll being employed,
> and again, LOTS more air freshener!
>
>
> Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides
> to sit on the chair instead of next to me. She sits
> on my chair, knees pulled up to her chest, kind of
> rocking back and forth slightly. Suddenly, without a
> word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom,
> slammed the door, and didn't come out for 30
> minutes.
>
> I turned the movie up because I didn't want her to
> hear me laughing so hard that tears were streaming
> down my cheeks.
>
> She cam e out with a slightly gray pallor to her
> face, and said 'I am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea
> what is wrong with me. I am so embarrassed; I can't
> believe I keep running to your bathroom!!' I gave
> her an Imodium AD, and she finally settled down and
> relaxed.
>
> Later on, she asked me again what I had made for
> dinner, because she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly
> took her into the kitchen and showed her all the
> used MRE bags and packets in the trash can.
>
> After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly
> 9,000 calories of 'Marine Corps Field Rations' she
> turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and
> said 'I ate 9,000 calories of dehydrated food that
> was made 3 years ago?'
>
> After I rogered, she grabbed her coat and keys,
> and took off without a word.
>
> She called me yesterday. Seems she couldn't shit
> for 5 days, and when she finally did, the smell was
> so bad, her roommate could smell it from down the
> hall. She also told me she had been working out
> nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that
> she never wanted me to cook dinner for her again,
> unless she was PERSONALLY there to inspect the food
> beforehand.
>
> It was a fun date! She laughed about it eventually
> and said that that was the first time she'd ever
> crapped in a guy's house on a date. She'd been so
> upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I
> had been in tears on the couch.
>
It was still a funny night!
>
> Semper Fi
>
> PORKQUOTE: Relax, you may only have a few minutes left.

Subject:Written by a 15 yr. old:

New Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME) !

Since the Pledge of Allegiance
and
The Lord's Prayer
are not allowed in most
public schools anymore
Because the word "God" is mentioned....
A kid in Arizona wrote the attached

NEW School prayer :

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen

If you aren't ashamed to do this,
please pass this on.
Jesus said,
"If you are ashamed of me,
I will be ashamed of you before my Father."

Not ashamed. Pass this on.

       The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
       After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound
       asleep.

"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of Stars."

        The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
        "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions
        of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
        Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
        Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three
        in the Morning.
        Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
        insignificant.
        Meteorologically, It seems we will have a beautiful day
        tomorrow.
        What's it tell you, Tonto?"

        "You dumber than buffalo shit....
        It means someone stole the tent!

EXCELLENT !!!!
Those Born 1930-1979 , READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE---IT'S VERY WELL STATED.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930s, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good .
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us...pass this on.

HOW TO

CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips of Meridian,

Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left

the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were

people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he

said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he

should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police

again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people

stealing things from my shed Well, you don't have to worry about them now

because I've just shot them." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance

showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot

them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) I LOVE IT - Don't mess with old people!!

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